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Thursday, September 29, 2005 . 9/29/2005 09:58:00 pm

Hmmmm was just wondering that day when sue ann was telling me that 30 is a special year for her... i was telling God how come i dont know when it's a special year for me cos i really wanna know... He says 24... hmmm only 2 yrs from now le... actually i find it funny cos on one hand i wanna know but i'm also afraid to know it.... so weird... but i know God is transforming me each day as i seek Him... it's hard at times but thats when growth comes in... growing and walking closer to Him... thats what i seek... and ya true like wat john shared last night... surrendering everything even death... isnt it to be a true disciple of God? even the disciples didnt really have a good life on earth... they do have comfort from God and allow God to conform and transform them to be more like Him... it's not easy... i remember abt the video shown during one of the youth service talking abt this lady that even the japanese killed the husband and literally living in a life of hardship, she did not give up showing the grace and love of God... then the japanese later became a christian... isnt God amazing! i think it's a very good period that i could just stay at home and nt be so busy for a while to really re-call back of all the things i was taught and all the testimonies i had heard of... His wonderful grace and mercy... i love to complain and say aiyo why things are like that or why are matters so hard to solved? have i trusted God? trusting Him that things happen for a reason to beautify His glory... if i think life is so difficult... wat abt the lady that i mentioned? hmmm also thinking... worldly desire vs Godly desire.. easy to tell others that Godly desire is the choice.. i know it but times it's hard to acknowledge it.. even for myself... i know it's good to take up STEPS last yr but i was stuborn... i chose not to...a choice i made and regret... but this time round i made a choice to listen to Him... i was so tempted to take up this job that i know will do great in my career advancement but i took up the temp job cos i chose the path to be an obedient child.. a promise i made to God... i dont wanna break it.. too many times i broke His heart for being stuborn... i escape the calling He has for me... and now i'm learning... it's hard cos being a leader doesnt mean leading like the world... it's learning to love and allow God to do His work in your life... i like the example given in purpose driven life saying that by just tasting the ingredient for a cake will be horrible but when u mix everything and bake it, it taste good... like when we life up everything to God, doesnt tat become a sweet aroma to Him...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 . 9/27/2005 09:13:00 pm

Hmmm i'm always blown away when God just felt so near to me... true that He's always near... but times that i chose not to be close to Him... but He's always just patient and kind to my impossibly horrible manner.. so whose fault... mine of course.. that i was complacent that God wont be there or cant be there... totally wrong... He was always there as He promised to but me being a sinner will always look to the problem but i didnt see how God was conforming me throughout the process... i kept seeking comfort from everyone except Him.... God was just telling me:" hey fang, I'm here and can u see wat I'm trying you to learn from this matter?" this question was pondering on my mind the whole night.... God Your glory to be shined and that i will do Your work even in times of difficulties... my prayer to God.... He made it happen for my good... for me to be more like Him... to be less inward-looking but outwardly i see how He works in my life... how i'm transformed daily in Him.... i know that all the circumstances i couldnt handle but wat is it to God.... they're just peanuts in His eyes.... but we meant more to Him and wat He request was just a faithful n obedience heart... nothing difficult to ask for actually.... but i'm just too attracted by other things that God seems to go pass my mind... it's good to be kick by the butt cos who call me to be so stuborn sometimes... *hurst* kick my own butt...*i kick*
luckily God is not like my sec sch disciplinary master... if He is, i jialat like siao.... dont know kena how many "din tiao" strokes on my butt... ho ho.... but it was a good lesson for me... jia you fang fang cos God is still pumping petrol in my body *pats my own shoulder* ho ho.... but dont want to be physically fat though... i will get depressed... hahaha...just kidding... I have Jesus blood in me so wont have depression... i will only have LOVE!!! Give me a L, give me a O, give me a V and give me a E... hee hee.... super disgusting sia..*kick my own butt*
oh no i'm getting silly again... think nothing to do after slacking for a while... oh no... better go read my bible... bye bye fang fang... ho ho ho... christmas is around the corner... will have many many anna sui gifts from my loved ones... hmmm hee hee..... ok dont think so much... bye bye fang fang.... have a nice day tomorrow.... oh it's MSG!!!! :)

Monday, September 19, 2005 . 9/19/2005 01:48:00 pm

Grrr suppose to clear up my wardrobe but then i'm slacking again... think too much slacking for the past two weeks... now very nuah... grrr need a bigger cupboard but my room too small... haha!!! think a shoe rack too... hahaha.... hmmmm why do i have shoes i love but never wear? i bought a few pairs of heels but dont dare to wear cos i scared my heels will hurt the moment i wanna wear them... then buy for wat??? feeling quite exhausted cos still didnt completely recover from jetlag... but i still feel happy to be back home even though there's tonnes of mosquitoes waiting to suck my blood... was talking to ps edwin n he asks me is it that i love kids... i do definitely cos they're the most innocent bunch.. they never lie and the lovely smile just brightens up yr day... thats why i wanna marry young n have kids.. i wanna be a housewife!!! thats my long term ambition... hee hee!!! :) but ya thats a lot of commitment involved and financially... God has His plans for me and ang moh.... keke....
hmmm need to find a job soon too but i just feel so slack... hahaha... but cannot be lazy... hmmm think 'll take up a part time job first.... then i'll plan more ahead.... hee hee....miss spending time with boy... though i still manage to spend time, but maybe i'm getting a bit used to the times i get to spend with him daily at uk.... but ya he does have to do his stuffs and cant always be with me... i cant be always thinking of that... bad fang fang!!! beat u!!! hahha!!
feel like buying clothes but the moment i think of my cupboard i hesitated cos i really dont know where to put them... hee i'm thinking when my bro goes to army, i'll "borrow" the cupboard from him.... keke...
ok will go and pack my stuffs now and see what i can sell somemore for the other flea market i'm doing with some girls... :)

Friday, September 16, 2005 . 9/16/2005 05:31:00 pm

yeah i'm finally back after 2 wks of being invaded by ang moh terrors!!! hahhaha.. not so bad lalz... quite fun but my butt is rotting after the 13 hrs of flight...*puke*
got jetlag the moment i got to uk... met with jon's granny for the 1st stop... his granny was very friendly and nice... i love this lady!!! hee she has a habit of asking if u want a cup of tea every 15 min... drink until lao sai man me... hahaha... then we went a few places... hmmm actually a lot of places i been but i can only remember a few.. jialat... very hard to remember those ang moh names lelz... not my fault actually... hee hee... jon's granny bought me a teddy souvenior... actually i dont want cos pai se to get old lady to buy me something then she look at me and say:"you like that toy right... it's very cute isn't it?" then bo pian liao... but it's very nice of her... i do miss her a lot...
chupid jon kept saying i'm "sua ku"!! cos i nvr see b4 ma!!! but all funny funny buildings and stuffs around... but ultra ex sia!!! it's all similar price tags like in spore but X3!!!! but fashion very different... cos summer now then all brown and black.. sian man!! i like colours lelz... then everyday eat loti and teh until i puke... haha... i really miss my cha kway teow and chilli crab noodle.. mostly my bubble tea... and all my sporean ppl!!! cos all the ang moh dont seem to understand wat i say... grrr.... then u slang a bit then they understand... i dont really understand wat they say... talk like machine gun... got 1 girl was asking me if i want a carrier bag then i look at her like some alien cos i dont know wat she says...
was quite fun at jon's grandad place... went to mow the lawn but i failed terribly.. haha cos i no sense of direction and my eye sight got problem... then spent a few days sightseeing... went to warwick castle... oh very nice.. how i wish i can stay there... very nice sia... victorian style rocks the town yo!! hahaa..
last few days was in london... very scary sia... i kept worrying i'll get robbed then i realise i didnt bring money... it's all with jon... hahha... and heng the family was there most of the trip.. cos everything including loti all these very ex... one meal costs like $30++ for normal meal.... can hit up to $45-$60... wa lao i go there i surely be a beggar there... then jon still want to give tips.. i secretly take back the money a few times but caught by him... :p
but good thing was manage to meet up with aaron! good to see tat fella back again! he really make me laugh the whole day... he accompanied me while ang moh went to see all those wooden n metal things(guitars n effects)... then after that all of us went harrods and had krispy kreme donuts.... very shiok sia... then i still got one free! :)
didnt manage to get much things until i reach camden town.. but that area very scary cos got all the drug dealers there... but the ppl's dressing there very weird... ke ke... all the punks,gothics plus the extras that's tourist like me... haha... got a lot of vintage stuffs there and retros things as well... think suelynn will love this area... not very ex as compared to other areas in uk.. so manage to get bag,2 skirts,hmm cant remember wat i get... very confused to the areas where i have been.... look very identical to me.... hmmmm....
then finally come back to spore... the air there not very good... cos i dig my nose then hor black black one lelz!! so scary lolz.... but thats all folks! i'm going to torture all the girls by talking non-stop!!! cos i hardly got to say anything for the two weeks... dont know wat they all saying.... hahaha must plot out my evil plans to disturb the girls!!!!! :)

Thursday, September 01, 2005 . 9/01/2005 11:11:00 pm

oh going for uk tomorrow... quite paranoid that i did not bring the things i have to bring... haha!! and i also dont really feel excited cos i will be missing 2 cell n service... *sob sob* but God is good.... He knows i need a break.... well hope that i will have a good time and really spend time with Him.... very sleepy now... zzzzzzzzz